The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
