One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
