I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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