to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
