I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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