my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
