There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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