Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
