I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
