I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
