Kiss
Puke
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
