All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
