I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
