Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
