Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
