anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
