Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
false alarm. still invincible.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
