And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
