Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
