Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
