He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
