I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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