I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
