The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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