jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Panties = found
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
