Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
