i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
