hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
