my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
