Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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