i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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