i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
