Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
