I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
