Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
