I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
