So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
