I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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