Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
