There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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