Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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