Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
