Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Still dying that you shit outside
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
