He had one of those small greek statue penises
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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