Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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