Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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