He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
