So drunk its hurt
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
