Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I sprained my soul last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
