I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
