it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
