The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
