last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
