Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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