Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
