My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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