it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
