I am puke
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
