she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
