You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
