you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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