It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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