Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My liver just had a heart attack.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
