it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
