"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
