taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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