I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize