no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
