the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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