Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
