I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
